She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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