I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
