Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
