She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
