Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
