After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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