In the future we'll all be gay
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
