she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
