goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize