Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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