did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize