Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
