i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
