Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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