So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
