hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
