i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
