Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My dick has a subreddit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
