his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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