this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
