Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
