his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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