I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
