Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
