We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
