the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sarcasm needs its own font
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
