Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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