Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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