Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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