I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
