she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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