Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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