the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
