I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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