She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
