I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
