What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
