We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
