my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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