And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
