If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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