Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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