As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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