the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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