HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
