the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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