a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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