Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
