Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
