I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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