I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
