I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Randomize
