She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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