I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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