Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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