I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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