just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
