For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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