1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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