It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
