I skipped work to stalk him.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
