is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
