Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
